|The Ukulele2)||Sir : — Are you aware that an exhibition of lutes, guitars and ukuleles was pulled off yesterday afternoon in Washington Square South ? I was informed by one who was there: You would confer a benefit upon me by telling me what a ukulele — or an ukulele — is. J. K.
The ukulele is a fiddle that you twiddle till it toodles,
Like a fillylooloo feeding on a platter full of noodles,
But it's rather more aesthetic in its nature and appeal —
Have you ever lamped a lily singing rondels to an eel?
The ukulele has a treble like a pebble when it tootles,
Or a daffodilian ditty when the fainness of its footles;
But it's rather more exotic in its esoteric phases.
Did you ever hear a throstle when its thirst flared into blazes?
The ukulele has a werble that will burble till it sobbles,
Like the gastronomic guinea who is glumphy as he gobbles,
But the meaning of it's occult, like to psychics when they sizz —
Have you ever looked at wizards showing lizards how to wiz?
—New York Sun.
|Talk o' the Times3)||Dealers in musical instruments und ukuleles are having a controversy over the spelling of ukulele. We had not idea anybody was misspelling the word. We knew a lot of folk were misplaying it.|
|Even the Cats Have the Habit4)|
|Stage Notes5)||Someone told the new Minister for Health that the Ukulele fever from Honolulu has already attacked many Australians, and was nearly always contracted "On the Beach at Waikiki." He is taking steps to have suspects fumigated.|
|Definition6)||„The ukulele is an instrument of torture.“|
|She is Torturing the Ukulele Now7)||Whatever became of the old-fashioned girl who used to play the guitar. — Buffalo Evening News.|
|At the Rehearsal8)||„You must bring that mermaid in the moving picture sea story more up to date.“
„What's the matter with the arrangement now?“
„In posing her on the rock you've given her a golden harp. For heaven's sake, man, take it away and give her a ukelele.“
|Farm Gossip9)||The Kaiser and the ukelele must go.|
|Hurray!10)||Old man Smith, a highly respected citizen of our little community, who shot and killed a pair of ukulele players from his bedroom window last Friday night, has been discharged from custody and granted a pension for meritorious service.|
|Lived in Land of the Ukulele.11)|| „I see by the newspaper that the former queen of Hawaii is dead,“ said Scroggins.
„Her names was Ukulele, wasn't it?“ asked Jimson.
„No, it was Liliuokalani, and she was a famous person for an Island queen.“
„Well, it doesn't matter about the name. She lived in the land of the ukuleles.“ — Indianapolis News.
|Strength of Character.12)||Sometimes a man gives himself credit for strength of character merely because he is willing to hold up the entire glee club till he finds the chord on his own little ukulele.|
|Too tender-hearted13)||The National Guard of Hawaii is the only portion of that once famous organization not now mobilized. We Americans are far too tender-hearted. Think of turning loose all those ukelele players on the Boche14)!|
|Things to Worry About15)||Eminent physician declares that playing the ukulele for a long continued period usual lends to round shoulders.|
|Criticism16)||„How do you like the way Bliggins plays the ukulele?“ — „It isn't loud enough,“ replied Miss Cayenne. — „Not loud enough?“ — „Not loud enough to drown his singing.“|
|Finished the Program17)||The newlyweds moved in the apartment next to the settled old bachelor. They had a ukulele and every night they entertained themselves and annoyed him by playing it and singing very sentimental songs together. Usually they ended with „Home Sweet Home.“
He endured it bravely and said nothing until one day he heard them having their first quarrel. That night he supposed he would have quiet, but quite as usual the bridegroom thrummed on his „uke“ and very wild, weird tunes he thrummed, too. Finally, there was a long silence and the bachelor knew that they had ended their concert without their usual „Home, Sweet Home.“
Grimmly he crossed to his Victrola18), which had been silent since the advent of the newlyweds and their superior musical instrument. With elation he took from the rack the record he had put there in the hope that some day his turn would come. And exultantly the Victrola ground out "Pack up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit-Bag and Smile, Smile, Smile."
|A Sad Materialist19)||Your favorite musical instrument is the ukulele? — Yes, replied Mr. Cumrox. It doesn't make much noise at best; and when you get tired of listening to it you can demolish it without anything like the expense that would attach to smashing a grand piano or a good violin.|
|Jumping to a Conclusion 20)||„I see where the man who invented the ukulele is dead in Honolulu,“ observed Mr. Dubwaite.
„Is that so!“ exclaimed Mr. Grumpson, with an air of much interest. „Did the assassin use poison or a gun?“ — Birmingham Age-Herald.
|A Popular Pair21)|
|Wire-Clippers23)||The ukulele is now made with a single string. A useful little device to promote enjoyment at a party is a pair of pocket wire-clippers. — Punch|
|Scatter Shot24)||Will Rogers defined the ukulele as „a so-called musical instrument which, when listened to, you cannot tell whether one is playing on it or just monkeying with it.“25)|